Helping not selling

Helping not selling

Let’s face it. Most of us struggle with the thought of having to sell. Our fears are often based on perceptions around how others will judge us.

Salesy. Sleazy. Self-promoter. Slick. Needy. Desperate. Greedy. Selfish.

These are just some of the words that our self-talk throws at us through our inner monologue.

But ultimately we all have to sell something in business.

So how do we do this authentically, ethically and gracefully?

Selling in a stereotypical manner can create two problems for most of us.

The first problem is that a traditional sales approach can change the way you behave. You morph into a different person. You hear yourself saying things that you’d never normally say. You answer questions like an FAQ page, or worse, an advertorial.

The second problem is the way the other person sees you. They pick up on the subtle body language changes in you. You sound different to them and your message gets lost through your words.

The solution to this problem is helping not selling. 

When you adopt a helping philosophy in your interactions with people, the real you shines through.

Helping people shows your authentic self. You own your words and you don’t have to concentrate on what you’re saying. Your body language is relaxed. Your message clear.

You are your higher-self in helping mode.

The other person sees the real you. Your body language is magnetic. Your words natural and your message clear. Your generosity disarms their objections and they engage with you.

But I can’t do that I hear you say. I can’t just go around giving away my knowledge and resources. People will take advantage of me and I’ll spend all my time helping others.

This reaction is understandable and it’s based on pride and fear.

Pride around reputation and humility.

Fear of scarcity of time, money and resources.

Get over yourself.

The reality is that there is more than enough time, money, and resources for you and all of us. You merely need half a fingernail of the entire body of your market to have more than enough.

And pride. No-one has ever thought someone weak for asking what their challenges are and helping them.

Adopt a philosophy of helping not selling and watch your world change.

When meeting people, start helping them straight away. Don’t wait for engagement or payment. Just help them straight off the bat. Not in an over-the-top way. Just be subtle. Offer to workshop a problem. Introduce a trusted person that might help. Offer a resource (a book, a blog or app).

Ask insightful questions. What are the major projects you have on at the moment and what are your biggest challenges? What are your three major frustrations in working with XYZ at the moment?

What’s keeping you up at night? What talent do you need to attract? Who’s missing in your network?

Then follow through with your help. Send a short email outlining your suggested solution. Make the introduction. Call or email with the resource.

What’s the worst thing that can happen?

You spent an hour of your time, provided some free advice and nothing comes back to you. So what.

You provided a hand-picked expert to help them with their problem. Good karma.

You personally forwarded a book, resource or app to help them. Double good karma.

What’s the best thing that can happen?

You have an enjoyable meeting over breakfast and make a new friend.

You feel Zen-like in helping others without expectation. Your confidence and self-esteem soars.

You look forward to meetings and have fun being authentic and free.

Following your meeting and follow up actions, they book a further meeting at their office and engage you in working for them.

They refer you to their friends and colleagues who also do business with you.

The hand-picked expert you introduced to them gets engaged also. As a result, he introduces you to his clients who engage you.

Get it?

Downside low.

Upside huge.

So start your trial today.

I’d love to hear some of your success stories through helping not selling.

Darren Bourke


I really want you to start creating sustainable success in your business and life. Simply check out my FAQs videos HERE on what business owners most commonly ask about sustainable business success. If they help you, simply sign up and get the other 20x videos free.

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Cheers, Darren K Bourke